I remember it like it was yesterday: In 2017 I had been invited to a “luxurious” hotel overlooking a small city in the Philippines. I took the offer, and after many days roaming the dingy, uninspired hallways and common areas, I began to regret it.
Opulent Decay
The Internet was non-existent, the exterior was weathered and falling apart, and to top things off, during one of many lackluster meals there, I was served a pizza that literally had a cockroach crawling across it.
Now, if this had been a budget hotel, it would have been easier to forgive conditions like these. However, this was billed as the most extravagant place to stay in the region. To put things in perspective, this hotel looked down over one of the poorest parts of the Philippines. It would take the average citizen a month’s salary to stay just one night in a basic room here.
Dilemmas, & Lessons Learned
I was now obligated to promote this place. How could I do so in good conscience? Well, in my mind, I did the write up in the most acceptable, but honest way possible. I learned a valuable lesson. From then on, I only accepted invitations after fully vetting the properties and individuals involved.
Part of the Corruption
Sad to say, but back then at least, the easiest way to gain wealth and power in the Philippines was to join in on the corruption. If you are touring around, visiting the more upscale resorts in the country, it’s almost inevitable that you will be supporting some unsavory characters along the way.
The Need For Change
However, this wasn’t the only reason I grew tired of my blogging lifestyle.
There really is such thing as too too much of a good thing. Just about anything can lose its appeal if you do it enough.
My experience on the beautiful island of Boracay comes to mind. I found a way to stay there for an entire month – enough time to make any adventurer salivate with envy.
Let me tell you…for me, it was a unique form of torture.
Island Fever
You would meet people from all over the world, party with them…have the time of your life, then be left alone on a tiny island you were already done exploring…waiting for the next batch of tourists to help bring the spark back to this vacation paradise that you called home.
Eventually it didn’t feel so incredible anymore…it just felt…OK. I hated myself for feeling this way. I knew I was supposed to love this life, but mentally, I had already checked out.
The novelty can wear off. You get older…and if you’re like me, you’re desperate for change.
Time For a Rebirth
The truth is, I have lived many lives already…reinvented myself several times over the years. Those who know me as a “travel personality” have no idea that at age 19, I started recording and producing my own music as an artist.
Diamond selling artist “Nelly” became a fan of my music, and linked to my page from his own. I ended up on a few worldwide charts, even surpassing artists such as Q-Tip and Snoop Dogg briefly. Still, a paycheck was elusive.
Stick Figure
I thought it was more sensible to create an audio production company, and I began taking on clients from around the globe. Most notably was Scott Woodruff, also known as “Stick Figure” – now one of the top reggae stars in the world. To realize this was all possible, starting as a young guy in his childhood home…I couldn’t believe it.
However, as had happened previously, I started to wonder what else might be on the horizon. If there ever was an overarching theme in my life, it would be my love of travel.
“I Dreamed of This” is Born
I started finding ways to be able to work online as I traveled (I suppose I was one of the first to do this as well). I loved photography and storytelling, and after a few years of this backpacking lifestyle, I started this website, and my experiences in the Philippines went viral.
If you’ve followed my journey for a while here, you probably know what happened during this time.
Uneasy Success
My newfound notoriety seemed to interfere with my ability to freely capture the experiences I was having. It’s one thing to travel solo with a white face in the Philippines, quite another to do so with an increasingly famous white face. For me, more and more success brought more and more discomfort.
I never wanted to be famous. I guess this is why I passed up several opportunities to appear on TV. I wanted a simple, happy life; to photograph and learn about the fascinating people and culture surrounding me.
Additionally, being on the other side of the world in Asia, I was in desperate need of genuine friendship. Sadly, sometimes my sudden and unexpected success made me question the intentions of others.
I’m sure it wasn’t always the case, but back then there were a lot of social climbers in the Philippines.
“The Process”
Unfortunately, writing and posting on my page began to feel routine and formulaic as well.
When I wrote my first article “What the Philippines is Really Like”, a friend in Manila told me that it was just a fluke, and I probably wouldn’t have another viral article like it again.
Well, the next article was two or three times more successful! It reached millions. I was able to repeat this process a few more times after that…but that was the problem. It was a process. I discovered a formula, and though I wasn’t in a competition with others, I was in a competition with myself.
Why Am I Doing This?
Almost without realizing it, instead of focusing more on authenticity, I began crafting my message in such a way to maximize my reach. I knew how to appeal to emotion, and keep my wording simple to get through to more people. I knew how often to post, and at what times. I began using programs that helped optimize my articles in terms of word count and “readability”.
In other words, to appease the algorithm, I kind of lost my voice. I didn’t like who I was becoming.
Decline of Credibility
To add to this, realizing that traditional media outlets were likely being compromised in the same way (in order to stay competitive) was quite disheartening. In the United States, MSNBC and ABC had gone the way of Fox news. The days of objective journalism are loooong gone.
Now it’s nothing but political propaganda and hyperbole as far as the eye can see…and it’s sad to watch people I care about get lost in the chaos.
Of course, this idealogical capture is even worse at certain times of the year…on Facebook, I like to joke how great it would be to “snooze people until after the election.”
Anyway, I called it years ago, but it’s no surprise that credibility in the media is at an all time low.
Polarizing For Profit
Back in my “blogging” days, I always needed to feel like I was moving forward, so I kept pushing for higher and higher engagement (that’s a buzzword you get real familiar with as a blogger).
I realized the best way to reach more people was to get people commenting on your posts. Comments sent the message to Facebook that your article was interesting…and they then opened the floodgates so more people could find you.
Unfortunately, the best way to get people commenting was to spark conversations that resulted in arguments.
Not enough people realize that the news organizations are still businesses at the end of the day. Emotional people in the comments are a gold mine for these companies, but when our media is there to enrage rather than inform, what does it mean for society?
Moreover, could I somehow be contributing to this?
What Needs To Be Said
At one point it seemed I was reaching more people on Facebook than the national media in the U.S. & the Philippines. I was adding 10,000 Facebook followers a day. It was surreal.
It became a sort of game to me. In order to reach the most people possible, I think I may have unconsciously starting saying what people wanted to hear, not necessarily what needed to be said. I believe the vast majority of creators have fallen into this trap, simply because the system rewards them for it.
“Audience Capture”
My tens of thousands of readers had certain expectations of me, and it was reflected in my decreased reach…anytime I strayed from what they were looking for. This phenomenon is known as “audience capture”. Eventually I became uninspired, and lost interest in posting altogether.
I always felt like monetizing my website would ruin what I loved, so thankfully, I never fully went down that path. However, this “competition” I was in was also ruining what I loved.
Rise of the “Content Creators”
I realized that I was at my happiest when I was free, doing unrelated online work, and traveling with my modest income. My photos and stories were a labor of love, not simply content.
Content just sounds so routine and sterile.
“Content Creator” – wow, what a depressing title for a truly artistic person to bestow upon themselves. I remember seeing the beginnings of this in 2012…
Plastic Posts, Plastic People
I would be at a picturesque waterfall in Cebu, in complete awe at the beauty surrounding me. Waves of foreign tourists would arrive on motorbikes, usually couples. They would quickly find the best angles, and he would take countless photos of her fake candid poses in a skimpy bathing suit.
The two of them would be back on the motorbike and on to the next destination before you could bat an eye. It seemed at some point that convincing others you were there, enjoying the moment became more important than actually being there, enjoying the moment.
This was not real life, and no, these were not my people.
Desperate For Clicks
I recall joining foreign blogger groups early on…and being entirely dismayed by what I saw there. On top of people openly talking about how easy it was to “mine” Filipinos for clicks, another example was a member who was reported to have mental health issues, and suddenly went missing. His situation went a bit viral because nobody had seen him.
He later surfaced, openly complaining that his “disappearance” didn’t garner enough hits on his website.
Gross.
A Creative “Dark Age”
These people did not seem to be creatives; producing evocative photos, narratives, and insight that fill readers with a sense of wonder and awe. Instead, they were narcissistic robots, all churning out the same “optimized” drivel.
Congratulations, you’ve left your “9 to 5″…and turned your new, life-changing experiences into…yet another job.
Now, one can even feign talent and personality (and quite convincingly!) with artificial intelligence.
Lord help us.
(It is for these reasons that I tried to refer to myself as a “travel writer” instead of a blogger. In my mind, “blogger” has changed meanings from someone journaling online, to someone who is paid to promote experiences. For the record, I know plenty of non-narcissistic working bloggers who fit into this category, and they are quite good at it. More power to them.)
So What Happened To Me?
I am nothing if not a total cliché, so as the blogging / influencer movement gained more popularity, my “inner hipster” began pushing me in the opposite direction. I started posting less and less. In fact, I went old school with my adventures. I texted photos directly to my friends and family, rather than broadcast them out to thousands online. Haha. Strangely, it felt great.
Before all the attention, I had already learned how to love life, and I returned to this simple pursuit – without the distraction and expectations of others.
Marriage & Priorities
I got married and had a daughter. They are my whole world now. I appreciate all of my readers from over the years, but I hope you understand just how much work it was for me to share my travel stories. I had certain standards I set for myself, so that meant hauling around 4 cameras, multiple lenses, chargers, and a laptop everywhere I went.
With a mess of cables and plugs, simply transferring files from SD cards was enough of a struggle – let alone trying to upload videos with non-existent wifi, deep in a remote jungle!
Who am I kidding? I loved every minute of it. It’s just not sustainable anymore.
The Adventures Will Never Stop
However, lately I’ve found a new motivation to write. First of all, with the help of newer tech, I’ve been able to streamline the process a TON. I can now do the same amount with 10 times less gear / effort…and without sacrificing quality.
Second, now I’m motivated to do it for my family and I, to have a record of our adventures together. I want my daughter (and future generations) to be able to look back and gain insight into who we were, and what made us tick.
In other words, from now on, I’d like to continue “I Dreamed Of This” in the most genuine and authentic way possible. I married a Filipina, and I’m quite certain it’s the best decision I ever made. We have a home base, but now we’re living a life of discovery as we raise a daughter out on the open road. There’s a lot of life to live.
We’re trying to teach her Tagalog, and if all goes well, hopefully Bicol and Cebuano as well. I want her to know the value of who she is, and where she comes from.
I’d really love for you to follow along, but we will keep this ball rolling either way. HERE is my very first post in this new format.
(Life has been a rollercoaster lately, my daughter was born, and my mother passed away soon after. Parenthood has triggered some important realizations about my childhood as well. It’s been a lot to process, sorry to leave you hanging while I regained my footing and adjusted to this new reality.
Again, thanks so much for all your support over the years!)
-Nathan Allen
