By Nathan Allen

1. The Philippines Taught Me To Make Peace With Death

“IF IT’S MY TIME, IT’S MY TIME”

 OK, now that I have your attention, let me explain: I had a 55 year old Pinoy friend who talked to me about death quite a bit.  He wanted to move out to the provinces to retire and age.  His wife (a nurse in a big city) was worried that they would be too far removed from hospitals and medical care if something should happen to him.  He wasn’t concerned.  “If it’s my time, it’s my time“, he said.  This really stuck with me. 

It wasn’t just the words, it was how he said them.  They came from somebody who seemed to truly be OK with this possibility – somebody happy who had already lived a full, contented life.  That’s how I feel now.  I am fortunate to have seen and experienced so much, I was born into a wonderful family and met so many incredible people throughout my life.  I feel I have already lived many lifetimes! 

DEATH IS ALL AROUND

I think this Filipino attitude about death was born out of necessity.  Quite frankly, the population is massive, and there are a LOT of people dying here every day.  Yes, because of that lack of health care, many people may not live as long as those in the west.  I’m not sure that’s a bad thing, though.  Everybody wants more “quality” years and less suffering, right?  In the Philippines, the view and actual process of death seems more “natural” to me. 

Dying is just an every day part of life.  Little children here know this, and don’t seem to be afraid of death the way we are in the west.  I had the opportunity to spend the night in a cemetery for All Souls Day.  This is a perfect example of what I’m talking about – the thought of spending a candle-lit night in a cemetery on Halloween is terrifying to people in the west.  By contrast, for the Filipino family I was with, it was a chance to reconnect with and celebrate the lives of their departed relatives.  At their grave sites, we ate, laughed, visited, and told stories for hours.

 HERE TODAY, GONE TOMORROW

The same goes for the experience at the time of death.  On Christmas day last year, I was with a family in Nasugbu, Batangas.  We went to a wake for a classmate of my “tito”.  It was held right in her home, and all her friends and family were there to greet us with smiles.  The overall mood was peaceful, but somehow cheerful at the same time.  Judging by everybody’s reactions around me, I assumed she had been dead for at least a few days, and that she was probably quite old.  When I asked tito when she passed, he said “5 o’clock”.  I was shocked.  When he told me she was only 55, it was quite a reality check!  She had just unexpectedly died on Christmas day, and everybody seemed quite “matter-of-fact” about it!

All the decor, the casket…it was waiting and ready to go.  To some extent, so are the friends and family, because again, death is such an every day part of life.   I think viewing death in this way can have a profound effect on one’s view of life, and that’s what I’ll get to next. 

2. The Philippines Taught Me How To LIVE (and LOVE)

“Don’t be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don’t have to live forever; you just have to live.”                                                  

– Natalie Babbitt

Going hand-in-hand with being able to accept death is knowing how to make the most out of life.  Filipinos have a reputation for being some of the most happy-go-lucky people in the world.  Compared to other countries, they seem to be better at consistent overall contentment – regardless of economic status or circumstance.  They understand the vital importance of friends and family, and treasure each of their relationships.  Even in big bad Manila, people hold on to these values. 

As for love, Filipinos seem to wear their hearts on their sleeves.  It is such a passionate, romantic culture, and while in the past I have mentioned some of the drama that can go along with it, for the most part I find it refreshing.  Perhaps it speaks to the hopeless romantic in me.  Yes, in the Philippines I loved, too…and I did it with all my heart.  It may have not worked out in the end, but I regret nothing, and am glad that I was open to feeling and expressing that love.  In the west, I often think fear holds people back – especially by my age.

Coming back to California after a year, I see and appreciate each and every one of my relationships in a new light.  My patience and compassion has grown tenfold, as has my appreciation for the little things in life.  I realize more than ever that my life isn’t just for me, it’s for those around me as well.  I believe these are some of the Filipino secrets to happiness, and I’m thankful to have been a student. 

3. The Philippines Taught Me To Sing – While Dodging Bullets!

I never sang before I came to the Philippines.  EVER.  Videoke is a way of life here, and it’s amazing how many love ballads from the 70s everybody seems to know.  I actually learned a lot about American music in these videoke bars – Even though I’m American, and music is my job!  There is very little sense of shame or irony when it comes to singing videoke in the Philippines, I guess that is why I felt so comfortable “spreading my videoke wings” for the first time here. 

LET THE BULLETS FLY…AS I DO IT “MY WAY”

 The king of all videoke songs in the Philippines is Frank Sinatra’s “MY WAY”, and this might be the one exception to the “no shame” rule.  Interestingly, this song is notoriously linked with killings in the country.  It is SO popular that just about everybody can (and wants to) sing it, and it’s usually sung while men are sobrang lasing and astig (drunk and acting tough).   Late in the night, if you sing it in front of somebody else who had been waiting to sing it, (and heaven forbid you sing it badly), things could escalate between your group and the other.  This is when fights can lead to stabbings and shootings.

Well, would you believe that my all-time favorite song to sing is “My Way”?  People joke about how I’m Pinoy on the inside, and sometimes I really think it’s true.  I sang this song in more videoke bars than I can count, and I never had any problems.  Perhaps it’s just because these older men are shocked to see a young(ish!) foreigner singing the song, but I like to think that it’s because I don’t sing it badly!  Haha.  That may be open for debate. 

 APPLAUSE, NOT GUNSHOTS

 The one “close call” I had singing this song was when I was with a family in Siquijor and the “applause” came through the speakers when I finished and got my score.  It was so loud and distorted that the family I was with got down and covered their heads, thinking bullets were flying!!  They couldn’t believe I was crazy enough to sing the song in the first place.

4. How To Be Truly Thankful – and a Bit More Humble

In a country where you can lose everything in an instant (typhoons/earthquakes/robberies, depending on where you live), people know how to appreciate the things that money can’t buy.  As for things that money CAN buy, those certainly aren’t taken for granted, either. 

It was a simple life, but I was lucky enough to stay in the stunning paradise of El Nido, Palawan for two months.  I specifically remember waking up each morning, looking around, and feeling like my heart was going to burst with gratitude for all that I was seeing around me.  I never experienced such a feeling in my life.  It was a combination of many things…the awe-inspiring landscapes around me, the warmth and hospitality of the family I was staying with, and the simplicity of my bahay kubo (hut) on the beach.

TEASING (FOR THE SAKE OF PROMOTING MODESTY)

 I didn’t talk about this in my last culture blog, but I read about (and noticed how) Filipinos have a “culture of teasing“.  I think parents use teasing to get their children to lose weight, study harder, or just to keep them from getting too boastful.  I bring this up, because my Filipino friends did a good job making sure I didn’t take myself too seriously, either.  Let’s put it this way:  “Nat-Nat” is one of many nicknames I received!  No comment on the others. 

5. The Philippines Taught Me To “Stop Complaining and Deal With It”

Filipinos may be many things, but sympathetic is not one of them – at least not when it came to my misfortune/carelessness.  Before I came to the Philippines, I had injured my knee and was really depressed about it.  I rarely hurt myself, and the thought of being less mobile during my upcoming travels really affected me. 

Well, at this time I was spending a lot of time with a Filipino friend in the US, and not only was she not very sympathetic, she almost seemed to be slightly annoyed by my complaints!  This was very hard for me to understand, but after a year in the Philippines, I think I get it now. 

Filipinos are the kings and queens of adversity and misfortune.  Due to geographic location and governmental woes, it’s just a part of life here.  They smile through it all, and while my minor knee injury seemed like a big deal to me, to them it wouldn’t even be worth mentioning.  They would just carry on without complaint.   Americans (and especially American men) can turn into “big babies” when they get sick or injured.  I’ve heard women complain about it a lot!

EVEN A NICE OLD LADY LAUGHED AT MY BAD LUCK

 About a month before I left the Philippines, I had one day FULL of misfortune.  In Legazpi, at a waterfall, I slipped on a rock and hit my tailbone.  To add “insult to injury”, that night I took a short walk in the dark to see the starry sky.  I didn’t realize there was a two-meter deep canal that runs along the road, and I fell right into it.  I smashed my previously-injured knee into the rock wall and slammed my chin on the surface of the road.  I had a very deep cut on my chin and my teeth had cut my mouth and tongue in about 10 different places.  The next morning I awoke to the most pain I’ve experienced in my life!  I couldn’t walk, and every bite of food was excruciating. 

Of course my Filipino friends just laughed at me, but by this point I was used to it.  However, considering where I come from, I was actually very optimistic about my healing and even able to laugh at myself, even through all that pain.  That is a very new thing for me, and I believe it’s a good quality to have.  This is what I meant in my last article on Filipino culture when I said my experience in the Philippines “hardened me”.  So again…I want to say…

SALAMAT PILIPINAS!!

So there you have it.  What’s their secret to happiness?  Of course it can’t be said for all of them, but perhaps for the most part, Filipinos are not afraid to really LIVE, LOVE, or DIE….

…or laugh at you for falling into a canal:)

As always, your comments and feedback are much appreciated!  These are just my thoughts and opinions based on my time here.  If you like this article, please consider sharing it with others.  You can help support more photos and stories in the future!  And don’t forget to “like” the FB page HERE!

– Nathan Allen

*Special thanks to my “cultural advisors” during my time in the PI:  Julie Ann Nuylan, Nathan Gatdula Javier, Hayde Quinanola, Joanna and Kristella Gutierrez, Jopz Luna, Christian Padre, Kha Palmis, Jed, Je Kim, Ghi Albero, Janette Tolentino, Bambie Gonzales, Jane Romero, Christine Mendez and Nathan Mark.

For many more photos and stories from the Philippines, follow me by “liking” the FB page!

The post 5 Ways the Philippines Changed Me FOREVER appeared first on I Dreamed Of This.

By Nathan Allen

To say that things got ugly in 2016 is a gross understatement. As an American traveling and living abroad, I’ve been able to watch what’s happened to my country from a distance.

About 3 years ago, things seemed to really start heating up…and each new week brought another layer of anger, violence, and hatred to fuel the fire.

This was not the country I knew. I was watching a trainwreck…a ticking time bomb. It was embarrassing. The worst part is that it started happening in other countries as well. Yes, this divisive “us vs. them” mentality seemed to be infecting the rest of the world.

2016 was the year we all became extremists. It was the year I found myself fleeing both sides of the political landscape. It was the year I realized that without a doubt, across the world, our societies had become sick…or at least they appeared that way.

What happened? Are things really this bad??

No, I don’t think so. I believe we only perceive things to be this bad because of the information we are constantly bombarded with. It’s super divisive, and practically all negative, all the time.

By now, we all know that the media tends to sensationalize things. After all, negative news keeps our attention, and our attention brings the advertising dollars. As for the divisiveness, unfortunately, there is also good money to be made off keeping us angry and divided.

The NEW media…

What many people don’t realize is that WE have become the media. Yes, our faith in mainstream media is crumbling, and we now have the ability to publish and share whatever we want. We can start our own “media”, and grow our own audiences. More and more, we get our information from each other on social media – not from the papers or the news.

So that should be a good thing, right?  Well…not necessarily.

Journalistic Integrity – & Fake News

First, there is the issue of quality control and/or fake news. This is especially dangerous when you consider that virtually anyone can become a propagandist now. Of course, to make matters worse, the sheer volume of information makes it difficult to discern what is credible and what is not. It’s just exhausting.

Second, I’m not following any mainstream media outlets, yet 90% of what I’m seeing in my newsfeed is still a never-ending stream of death, destruction, and terrorism. The advertising dollars are out of the equation, so why are we still spreading all the tragedy?

For attention.

Life In The Age of Pissed Off Narcissists

I was born just before the Millennials showed up…and as hard as this may be to believe, it was a time when it wasn’t socially acceptable to take and share photos of yourself in public…not unless you were Michael Jackson or something. Haha. Back then, people would tease you if you even glanced at yourself in the mirror as you walked by.

Clearly we live in a different world now. Paris Hilton started normalizing narcissism back in 2003, and the widespread use of iphones and Facebook by 2007 helped finish the job (for those wondering who Paris Hilton is, she was yesterday’s Kim Kardashian…or should I say Kylie Jenner? ).

These days, “selfies” are barely even considered narcissistic at all.

By 2015, outrage had joined the fray…and the “outrage mob” quickly took center stage. People became offended by pretty much everything…pretty much all the time. This enabled attention-seekers to reach a whole new level of the game.

I’m not saying that ALL outrage is misplaced, but I do think it has become a powerful tool for those who want attention.

Now, by the end of 2016, online culture seems to have completely lost its mind. There is so much division between the political parties in my country that both sides have accused the other of treason. Treason! Sadly, many others countries are heading (or have headed) in the same direction.

Even the most positive and uplifting articles are not spared from angry, toxic trolling in the comments. They target viral content and quickly become contradictory, defensive, or argumentative…any of which (unfortunately) gets them the attention they crave.

Lives Full of Apps…and Isolation.

Researchers are finding that we are hopelessly addicted to both our smartphones and social media. This dependence has left many of us anxious and depressed.

Also, even though the Internet was supposed to “bring the world together”, we are perhaps more disconnected from each other than ever.

In this modern, disjointed world, we are desperate for attention. Each of us wants to be seen as someone of worth…with something to offer society. Sadly, the easiest way to get attention and start a conversation is to share something negative and/or shocking online.

With enough media, friends and family also dumping doom into our newsfeeds, we will inevitably see the world as a scary, messed up place.

The thing is, it’s not. Our perception of the world is not accurate. In my years of exploring other countries, I can tell you that as a whole, humanity is much better off than you might think. It’s just hard to see when we spend our lives staring at screens. We begin to drown in a sea of despair.

The absolute worst things going on in the world are cherry-picked, packaged up for us, and shoved down our throats on a daily basis…and we keep lining up for more.

We end up with a dramatically skewed perception of our beautiful and diverse world.

I know it’s a bit unconventional for a blogger to encourage you to unplug from social media, but I highly suggest it! For me, engaging with the “real world” through my photography is endlessly rewarding. Our offline passions can help keep us balanced and sane.

Any Publicity is Good Publicity…

People seem to have forgotten a lot of those old expressions…classics like: “Any publicity is good publicity”.

2016 has shown us that politicians can be as crude and tasteless as possible, and by laughing at them on social media afterward, we might be giving them the “free publicity” needed to rocket them to the top. Our “negative attention” is still making them stronger. It’s “brand recognition”…and we are falling for it – hook, line, and sinker.

At this rate, no matter what side of the fence they’re on, all our future politicians could be nothing more than cheap, narcissistic entertainers…saying and doing whatever they can to stay in the headlines–and keep us talking about them. Is that the kind of world we want to live in?

Good or bad, The Beast only wants one thing:

Attention.

For the good of humanity, we must learn how to stop feeding THE BEAST.

We can’t let them drive us apart. We don’t have to agree, but let’s be respectful and simply listen to each other.

Let’s lick our wounds and learn from our mistakes.

Let’s wash the stench of 2016 off us.

Let’s do 2017 right.

– Nathan Allen

www.idreamedofthis.com

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The post 2016, The Year We ALL Became Extremists. appeared first on I Dreamed Of This.